Reflections on my First Research Experience

During my research term this summer, I worked on my project that was focused on understanding queer life in rural Alberta. This involved driving all around central Alberta, interviewing queer people who lived in rural areas, attending events put on by pride organizations, and meeting with a couple of those pride organization to establish a working relationship with them. My project supervisor, Dr. Sabrina Perić, was kind, helpful, and, for lack of a better word, cool. She was an invaluable resource this summer—she guided me through any confusion I had regarding my research, supported me in moments where I was unsure of myself, and, most importantly, helped me fold 250 zines for a pride event. At the beginning of the summer, I set a few goals for myself. I wanted to work on improving my writing and get better at communicating, both via email and talking face-to-face. My primary goal, though, was to see whether I was a fit for anthropological research. If I felt like my research went poorly, I would have to go back to the drawing board, cross out ‘graduate school’, and think of something else to do after graduating. No pressure. However, there was one substantial weakness holding me back: a severe lack of confidence. Every issue that I had this summer could be drawn back to that lack of confidence.

My lack of confidence manifested in a few different ways. In July, I had my first ever interviews. I was to drive up to Lacombe and meet Sabrina there, where she would sit in on both interviews while I asked the questions. The day before, she texted me, saying how she thought it would be a better idea for me to go alone. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. After a Zoom call with Sabrina, prepping me for my first interview, I was extremely upset. I felt like I was being thrown to the wolves. All of my anxiety, however, was for nothing. Both interviews went swimmingly. I felt like a real anthropologist! I was able to successfully conduct an interview and nothing catastrophic occurred. As a result, I had the confidence to interview people alone, with no hesitation!

Something I have struggled with since high school is a lack of confidence in my writing. This has morphed into a lack of confidence in my ideas as well. This has usually manifested in classroom settings, where I am hesitant to contribute to discussion.

When conducting research, this hesitancy can be detrimental. In August, Sabrina and I got to meet  with the Ponoka Pride Society. Throughout the entire conversation, I was quiet. Sabrina would occasionally ask me to talk about my research, and I would look at her with wide eyes. I would talk, but very quickly, and would look back at her after with a worried look when I was done. It was a similar situation when talking with other pride organizations. In those moments, I was terrified of talking—who cared what I had to say? I am only 20! After this meeting, Sabrina sat me down and said, “Listen, I’m going to say this once. You are very smart and capable. You have a lot to contribute to conversations.” At this point, I felt embarrassed that she had to say something, but I took her words into consideration. After that, I tried to be more aware of how little I talked, and I tried to put myself out there. Something that was particularly out of my comfort zone was speaking on stage at Lacombe’s Pride in the Park event. I was invited on stage to discuss my research and to share information about the zine I had created with them. The entire time, I tried to remember that I had something important to say, and that these people wanted to hear about my research. I was still terrified, but I was glad that I pushed myself!

Throughout my undergraduate experience, the research that I have done has primarily taken place in the classroom. Unfortunately, this is common in a cultural anthropology degree at the University of Calgary. I have been pretty lucky. Prior to starting this research project, I participated in two field schools—one in Japan and one in Europe. Those field schools were both somewhat focused on anthropology. However, neither of them taught me skills that are essential in conducting anthropological research, like how to conduct and prepare for an interview. The semester before my research began, Sabrina and I spent a couple of hours going over the various methods that I would use when conducting research. I still felt ill prepared. I thought that I would somehow ruin everything. I had a lot of doubts in myself. A lot of these doubts stemmed from me having brought up my research with a professor before the semester ended, and them expressing concern that I was “too young” and that the work was “too controversial”. I laughed it off at the time, but it was too late: it had gotten into my head. What if I was not the right person to be carrying out this research? Surely someone more qualified should be handling such a delicate matter? I continued marching ahead, but these thoughts followed me into the summer.

As I discussed, my lack of confidence affected me in several ways, but I was able to jump over those hurdles. I am still working on overcoming a lot of my anxieties, but a big personal takeaway from this summer is knowing that I am capable of research and of pursuing projects that I am passionate about. Not only did I complete a successful summer of research, but I had so much fun. I had the chance to meet so many amazing people and got to listen to their moving stories. This work is very important to me, and if I had listened to others’ doubts, or had succumbed to my own thoughts, I would not have had the chance to see it through. Throughout this summer, so many people have said to me what important work this is and how research like this is essential in moving Alberta in the right direction. I do not want it to be understated how important this research is for me personally. This work has changed my life. It has instilled in me a newfound confidence in myself and in my academic abilities. After this summer, I truly believe I can get into a graduate program and continue to pursue meaningful research.